I'll know .....
I've been thinking a great deal recently about what happens next..... When I had my initial emergency op the surgeon left my rectal stump in, just in case I wanted to have a "j - pouch" created. The J pouch is an option that basically joins the end of the small intestine to the rectum and creates a small holding pouch so that essentially you can regain "normal" bowel function. I have never fancied this as a realistic option. There are several reasons.... Mainly because initially you return to having to go to loo several times a day! No thanks ... It's not for me although I know it's a great option for many people.
However as I don't want this operation I have to have my rectal stump removed! Why? Well essentially as it is not used now it is a dead organ. While it is inside me there is a gradually increasing risk of it becoming diseased again, or developing cancerous cells. At the moment it is fine, although I still get a very small amount of mucus discharge from it, there is no active colitis in it. Every year I have to get it checked by having an eua.... ( endoscopy under anaesthetic) and biopsies taken, just make sure. This procedure is absolutely fine. It involves being put under general anaesthetic for about 15 minutes! I recover well from anaesthetic and it's a day surgery job. I'm due the next one in January, which will be close to two years since my original operation!
Whilst having the eua is fine I am still terrified by the very thought of having my rectal stump removed. I know it's the final stage, and would probably mean a discharge rom the hospital, but at the moment I really do not want to even think about having the op. Realistically I need to have this done soonish... Within the next three years... The longer it's there the risk increases! But at the moment the thought terrifies me, talking about it makes me cry. I know this stay in hospital will be different and my recovery will be different as I will be well but.... I just can't bring myself to start to plan for this.
I was talking to a friend the other day and she reminded me it is still not yet two years since my first op, and that was traumatic and life-changing by any standards! Although much has changed for the positive, there are still emotional scars that are healing. She said that I'll know when I'm ready for this final stage and think that's true. I will. I'm getting there, I suspect it will be in the next couple of years, but unlike last time ... I am in control. It will be the right time for me, emotionally and physically AND it will be the right time for my wonderful family... Fiona will be old enough to understand what's going on and Ian will be there for us both. Just realising this has taken the pressure off thinking about the op and allowed me to relax. ... Which already means that mentally I am in a better place as I start the process of preparing for this final op! I am enjoying being healthy and doing all the things that my new health allows me to do! We as a family are in a great place... It's nearly Christmas and 2014 will be just as good as 2013 has been!
Bring it on .... Here's to the future, good health and happiness and we will know, as we have so often when the time is right......
However as I don't want this operation I have to have my rectal stump removed! Why? Well essentially as it is not used now it is a dead organ. While it is inside me there is a gradually increasing risk of it becoming diseased again, or developing cancerous cells. At the moment it is fine, although I still get a very small amount of mucus discharge from it, there is no active colitis in it. Every year I have to get it checked by having an eua.... ( endoscopy under anaesthetic) and biopsies taken, just make sure. This procedure is absolutely fine. It involves being put under general anaesthetic for about 15 minutes! I recover well from anaesthetic and it's a day surgery job. I'm due the next one in January, which will be close to two years since my original operation!
Whilst having the eua is fine I am still terrified by the very thought of having my rectal stump removed. I know it's the final stage, and would probably mean a discharge rom the hospital, but at the moment I really do not want to even think about having the op. Realistically I need to have this done soonish... Within the next three years... The longer it's there the risk increases! But at the moment the thought terrifies me, talking about it makes me cry. I know this stay in hospital will be different and my recovery will be different as I will be well but.... I just can't bring myself to start to plan for this.
I was talking to a friend the other day and she reminded me it is still not yet two years since my first op, and that was traumatic and life-changing by any standards! Although much has changed for the positive, there are still emotional scars that are healing. She said that I'll know when I'm ready for this final stage and think that's true. I will. I'm getting there, I suspect it will be in the next couple of years, but unlike last time ... I am in control. It will be the right time for me, emotionally and physically AND it will be the right time for my wonderful family... Fiona will be old enough to understand what's going on and Ian will be there for us both. Just realising this has taken the pressure off thinking about the op and allowed me to relax. ... Which already means that mentally I am in a better place as I start the process of preparing for this final op! I am enjoying being healthy and doing all the things that my new health allows me to do! We as a family are in a great place... It's nearly Christmas and 2014 will be just as good as 2013 has been!
Bring it on .... Here's to the future, good health and happiness and we will know, as we have so often when the time is right......
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